Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Tender Mercies

2 days of training over and 2 days to go. It isn't that I don't like training; I actually enjoy it quite a bit. But as anyone who has gone through ILP training, there is a lot to learn in 2 days. By the end, I was exhausted and well, I'll look forward to general training tomorrow morning after a good night's rest more so than I am right now.

But today, we finished early and I got to go up to Salt Lake City to have dinner with my dad and aunt and uncle at Cafe Rio (one of the best restaurants in Utah, hands down.) I love Cafe Rio, I got addicted to it while in Cedar City, nearly every time I went to St. George, I ate at Cafe Rio. Anyway, I was good seeing family, even if I almost got lost in downtown Salt Lake again. (I can hear you laughing, Heather...)

While the food was good, it was spending time with my dad at Temple Square afterwards that was nice. The weather was beautiful and I enjoyed talking to him one on one. We even went inside the Tabernacle and met a Chinese family from Taiwan and listened to an acoustical demonstration by one of the sister missionaries. Afterwards, we slipped into the North Visitors Center and sat by the Christus statue and talked. Lately, I have been feeling a bit out of sorts. Things have been wonderful, but I've been of the feeling that maybe I am not a good enough LDS person because of various little things, stuff that I know I could do better on. Probably the biggest issue I've been having is wondering if I'm too prideful, too sassy, too uppity. It seems, that while many more of my friends are getting married, and those who are not, are going on missions; now that they've graduated from college, I'm not doing either, yet. For now, I am going to China, doing what I've always done:

Something different that those around me.

Particularly when it comes to marriage, I tell people I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months but I don't plan on getting married for another few years, most of them tell me that marriage is a good thing and that I shouldn't wait if I know he is the one, etc.

So, in my convoluted mind, I have been wondering whether or not I am being prideful for not being like everyone else and honestly, as I'm writing this out, it sounds silly, but I'm sure there are many out there who can relate to having worry seem so valid until you write it out or say it out loud.

Anyway, when I spent time tonight talking to my dad, I asked him if he thought I was being to prideful. For anyone who doesn't know him, he is an honest guy. In short, I trust my dad's opinion. He told me that I wasn't prideful and certainly not for the reasons I was worried about.
Then he told me something that stuck with me. He said that I wasn't sent here to be like everyone else. Something that I'd been taught all my life, but kinda forgot along the way. I wasn't sent here to perky or preppy or whatever. I was sent here to be me.
Also, as we were talking, the message that is record for the Christus statue came on in English. (It is in dozens of various languages and so more often then not, I heard in German or Tagalog instead of English.) While it was the same message I have always heard my whole life, whenever I was in a Visitor's Center, for some reason, it touched me today and I just started crying. I started feeling much better than I had been for a while. Lighter, in fact.

Then as I was driving from Salt Lake City back to my hotel, I was turning through the radio stations and found Delilah; (Yes, she is cheesy, but some of my happier times in a car were driving home from work listening to her show.) after the letter that was sent to her, the song 'Breakaway' by Kelly Clarkson was played and it was perfect for how I was feeling. I may not be headed to college in a few weeks, but I'm definitely going into a new stage in my life. So, that song seemed perfect for what I need to hear tonight. As did the song I heard right after it on another channel. 'Kyrie' by Mr. Mister. Yeah, I had never heard it on the radio before and then tonight when I heard it, it seemed like it was another song that I needed to hear. Anyway, by the time I got back to my hotel, I still felt tired, but lighter and happier than I had in a while.

So while this may seem like a complete and utter ramble of my feelings tonight, I figured I should write a new post about my time this evening up at Temple Square and everything that happened.

Anyway, it's like 10 minutes to midnight, so I'm going to say good bye and good night, y'all.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Laura's August Countdown presents: 1.5 weeks until China

9 days until I leave for China:
4 days in Provo,
5 days at home.

That would be my traveling haiku. Needless to say, the point is made that I am counting down until I head to China. Right now, I am going to training for the program. 2 days for being a Head Teacher and 2 days of the general training. Along with that, I've been doing the usual packing, prepping and other stuff that comes with going away for four months...

That includes stalking.

Ok, so not really stalking, considering that I am talking to all of the people I am 'stalking' and not in the "I have your cat, come see me under the willow tree if you ever want to see Princess Fluffkins again, muhahaha" stalking sense, but rather just getting to know who they are; and the one thing I noticed was that they or most of them, have blogs in which to write about their experiences in China.

*Ding!*

That was the sound of a light bulb going off in my head. Last time I headed to China, I did a blog-esque thing with my notes on Facebook. That lasted all of about one week. Plus, I didn't have an actual blog. But then, fast forward two years to the present day and I'm thinking, "Hmmm, I havuh me bloog and I needuh to write aboutuh me experiences in the China."

Ok, so my mental grammar and English IS better than that. But I figured why not write here? I've been writing on and off on this thing for about a year now? I've chronicled my weight loss last summer, my senior year of college, why not chronicle my time in China? Surely, the Great Wall and Zhongshan are worthy of my blog time?

Thus, henceforth, by royal decree of me, I do dedicated this blog unto the writing and recording of my time in China.

At least until Christmas.